Why Is Robert Called “The Lego Man”?

This is the story of how I became “The Lego Man”.

Let’s wind the clock back to 2021 ladies and gentleman. I was arrested on the last day of the school year at the high school I was teaching at, that just so happened to be the graduation night. Around 6 o’clock in the morning, I was wearing my classic brown tweed jacket with the elbow pads, button up shirt, slacks, fancy shoes that matched my belt (obviously), my constitution tie around my neck and my leather briefcase slug over my shoulder as I was about to hop into my black four door Jeep Wrangler, when seventeen rifles emerged from their hiding places outside of my apartment on June 11, 2021. I was officially in custody of the FBI, taken down like a high profile drug lord or crime boss, when all I wanted to do was see my students off on their last day of school and cheer for them as I watch them graduate, as I had been personally invited to witness by a bunch of my students. And then what I witnessed was the FBI enter my apartment while I sat in handcuffs, rifles drawn, using similar tactics as I was instructed to use while I was a Ranger in the Army in the 2nd Ranger Battalion not too long ago.

I took one last look at the life I had built ever since my former Ranger days going up in a metaphorical flame with every new agent that entered my home as I was driven away to the FBI headquarters in Pittsburg to be booked.

From that day on, I thought my life was over, and there were a few moments in the DC jail it probably should have been, but the good Lord watched over me and escorted me to the C2B, the patriot pod in the DC jail, where the other January 6th defendants were being held. All of this is taking place in mid July of the same year. This is where I learned of my new famous identity. Upon entering the patriot pod of the American Gulag in DC, I received a roaring hero’s welcome. Everyone was excited to meet “The Lego Man”! But as it turned out, I was the only one in the room who didn’t know who it was! A lot had developed since my arrest outside of my apartment. I was immediately sat down and informed of my new nickname and the reason behind why my face was on the television giving my new patriot pod friends a much needed chuckle. Remember when I watched the FBI enter my apartment as I was driven away? Well apparently my story become irrevocably legendary a few moments later.

According to what has been circulated, the FBI ransacked my apartment, searching for anything to vilify a man with absolutely no criminal record, no pending warrants or arrests prior to this, has served his country honorably, and has dedicated his life to educating the youth of our nation.

After ravaging my bookshelves and my decorated office, tossing through my bedroom, they found the incriminating object they had orders to desperately discover. Upon entering my storage area, rummaging through my hunting gear, my first aid equipment my fishing gear and outdoor equipment, they stubbled upon my secret stash of Legos. Yes, I was a grown man that had Legos under my roof without any shame. Not only did have the intention of passing down the Legos I had played with to my future children as my father did for me with his collection, but Legos are cool, no doubt about it. Plus, bringing Legos into the classroom as a teaching aid to help student feel more at home and relaxed is something I advocate for.

Anyway, the FBI is rummaging through my apartment and they are going through my Lego collection, and after searching through the multiple boxes I had, they immediately stop after revealing a Lego set from underneath a particular plastic bin and behave as if they had uncovered an ever-sought after ancient artifact buried by the sands of time like an Indiana Jones movie, except what they found in my apartment was the holy grail of January 6th. What the FBI discovered, that upon finding would change my life forever, was none other than a Lego model kit of the United States Capitol. With this ground breaking apprehension of evidence that “proved without a doubt” that somehow my children’s toy confirmed that I, Robert Morss, must have been the mastermind behind the events of January 6th, I was dubbed the monicker “The Architect of the Insurrection”. Without any other explanation making sense to the Feds of how a Lego set verified a plot to overthrow the government of the United States of America, single handedly with a plastic children’s toy, the box was rushed in front of a judge to receive his legal blessing of “my plastic plot”. After hearing the accusations from the federal government without my knowledge or presence, the judge responded with astute observation.

He asked the government, “If what you’re telling me is true, how did Robert Morss accomplish all of this if the Legos are still in the box?”. Ladies and gentleman, the Legos were still in the box, unopened. Kind of hard to plan international historical event with a children’s toy without even opening the box, if that is actually what happened, don’t you think?

After the Feds were made to look like absolute fools in court, the internet found this chain of events hilarious, and “The Lego Man” was born. This was the story I was finally informed of upon entering the patriot pod, with the story being confirmed by the expert reporting of the magnificent Miranda Devine from the NY Post, whose article can be found here. I love how she used the phrase “blockheads of the FBI” to keep up the Lego motif during her article.

That is the story of how I became “The Lego Man”. But to reference two incredible questions I picked up while earning my Bachelor’s degree at Penn State to become a teacher - So what? Who cares? So what that I’m “The Lego Man”? Who cares that I have this silly nick name? The answer to these questions is quite simple yet extremely alarming. What happened to me, as ridiculous and humorous as it is, is a small allegory of what has been taking place for years nationwide. Yes, I like Legos. Shoutout to all my Lego people. But no, I didn’t do anything remotely like what was being initially alleged that I did with the Lego set, and I’m certainly not a domestic terrorist. But my story and my nickname is a miniature example of how the media ran with a government narrative instead of having the journalism integrity that Miranda Devine had to investigate what actually happened. They took the prosecution’s allegation as fact instead of taking the time to uncover the fiction. Years ago this story never would have ran, other than maybe a satirical jest like the geniuses at Babylon Bee wrote (article here). But because the left controls the department of justice and the mainstream media, the narrative about me was completely apprehended and as a result, you were lied to. “Lego Man” is an example of how ridiculous the Leviathan that now runs this government can be in order to gain the result they desire while making their audiences believe fiction instead of fact. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you, or anyone for that matter, including a former president perhaps.

“Lego Man” is the biggest, silliest, most revealing mistake the powers that be have made that innocently invites the deceived American people to look into January 6th, the stolen election, and my story with a smile and wonder to themselves, “you know…what really happened?”

-Robert Morss AKA The Lego Man